Since my diagnosis in July, when the Drs Assistant looked at me in the eyes and said Hip Replacement, in that very moment I could have fallen into this hopeless hole. A hole of doubt. Fearing there is no answer and this "is as good as its gets". That I will be forced to live with this pain in my hip, to be held back by every activity my heart wants to do but that my body limits me on. In that moments before the days end the Lord sent me people to come up along side of me and not only be my cheerleaders, but my encouragers, my dreamers, my strength. THIS IS JESUS. When I could not see past myself and my circumstances of my health. The Lord sent me people to help me.
In this last 5 months, I was on a plan to lose weight, so that I could have the best case possible for a big surgery, less complications, and the ideal plan for healing. The plan was to lose 45 pounds. Some how this didn't overwhelm me in the slightest. It wasn't an impossible task which looking back now, seemed insane to tackle in such a short amount of time. But what I was focused on, is not living in pain anymore no matter what it took. So focusing on the right things.
Gearing up to the surgery, the weight loss, all the plans, preparing my home and family as best I could not knowing what the other side of surgery would look like. Doing my best to anticipate what I might need.
Surgery came on December 1st. From that day on, I have experienced something that is so hard to describe. KINDNESS. Prior to my surgery that word was not huge in my vocabulary. Maybe when my children were toddler age and it was a way to help them to understand to play nice. Or maybe when you received a surprising gift from a new friend, the thought would come across my mind, how kind and thoughtful it was. This was completely different.
The surgery day waiting in the waiting room, I had complete peace just eager to get this long awaiting procedure going. As I was in the pre-op room alone I realized in the anticipation I hadn't prayed or been prayed for. Something so silly but my heart needed it. God knows the outcome and I had so many people praying but my heart needed comfort in that moment. I immediately got a text from my husband that my sweet friend Kaci had come all the way to the hospital to pray for me before the procedure. Lord you always know. What we need before we can even speak it. Kaci and her daughter Tessa were able to come back right before my surgery. There were no magic words, but through prayer it was a reminder to me of my God, that He is with me and to trust. In their simple obedience of wanting to do something kind, God met me in that moment.
Kindness is something so huge to me now. Which I didn't even realize before. Kindness by definition is a quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. Kindness is an action.
After surgery it was great, I did well and rested at the hospital as the anesthesia wore off. Recovering from surgery is nothing short of pretty. You are nauseous, adjusting, taking lots of meds, and anxious.
I had some visitors, and those moments brought me so much comfort. Comfort that I am not walking this road of healing alone and emotional support I desperately needed.
There have been so many times in the past where I knew of someone close or just an a new friend to me going through something whether it be a hard time, tragedy, illness, birth, death or just a hard day. In those moments extending love was what I felt led to do. A call or a text loving on that person. Not to diminish that the gesture isn't good enough or that it isn't kind. It is. But through my healing the Lord has used every call, text, visit, meal prepared, cup of coffee, new shoes for when I start walking to overflow my heart. I have never felt more loved by God realizing when we are obedient to what God is calling us to, even when it seems insignificant, little or not a big deal. It can bring life into someone who is struggling through the day. Someone who can't see the hope in the day because they are blinded by the storm or the clouds.
I'm so overwhelmed by this sweet journey. Where the Lord saw me, where I was, in physical pain and held back by so much in my life. So much that I was unaware of. Decided I was worth rescuing. I was worth redeeming. I was worth healing. I was worth loving. I was worth it.
I am thankful for my bum hip, because the journey is changing me. I love being able to see and appreciate things in such a new way. How to love and receive love. Even in the simple things. So even if its simple have courage and be kind. It breaths life into people who need it most.
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